The Gap Between the Golfer You Say You Are and the Golfer You Actually Are

A few months ago, I sat down with a frustrated student after yet another disappointing round. "I don't understand it, Coach," he said. "Golf is really important to me. I want to get better. But I'm just not improving."

I'd been coaching him for six months at this point, so I asked him a direct question: "How many times have you practiced between our lessons?"

He thought about it. "Maybe... twice? I've been really busy with work."

"And how many times have you played?"

"Oh, I've played every weekend. Sometimes twice."

"So in six months, you've played roughly fifty rounds and practiced about twelve times?"

"Yeah, I guess so. But I'm working on my game when I play."

Here's what I told him, and it wasn't what he wanted to hear: "Your actions are showing me a different priority than your words are. You're telling me you want to improve, but your behavior says you want to play golf socially with your friends."

He looked uncomfortable. "I mean, I do want to improve though."

"I believe you believe that. But there are two types of priorities: the priorities we say we have, and the priorities our actions show we have. And often there's a big gap between the two."

The Priorities That Exist Only in Words

I see this gap with almost every recreational golfer I work with. They tell me, and genuinely believe, that improving their golf game is important to them. But when I look at their actual behavior, their actions tell a completely different story.

They say course management is a priority, but they never think about strategy before a round.

They say the short game is crucial, but they spend 90% of their practice time working on their swing.

They say they want to break 80, but they don't track any statistics to know where they're actually losing strokes.

They say they're committed to improvement, but they cancel lessons when work gets busy and skip practice when the weather isn't perfect.

I'm not judging these choices but I am pointing out the gap. Because your golf improves alongside your ability to close that gap. But you can't close it until you acknowledge that it exists in the first place.

My Own Gap

I lived in this gap myself for years, and not just with golf.

I told myself that health was a priority. I'd say things like "I really need to get in better shape" or "I should be exercising more." I genuinely believed these statements. Health felt important to me.

But when I looked at my actual schedule my actions showed that comfort and work were my real priorities, not health.

The breakthrough came when a mentor of mine asked me a simple question: "If an alien observed your daily life without being able to hear your words, what would they conclude your priorities are?"

That alien would have seen someone whose priorities were work, convenience, and comfort. Health wouldn't have made the list.

Once I acknowledged that gap, really acknowledged it without defensiveness or excuses, I could start closing it. I started blocking time for exercise on my calendar the same way I blocked time for coaching sessions. I made it non-negotiable. My actions started aligning with my stated priority.

The same principle applies to golf.

What Your Actions Actually Say

Let me walk you through a common example. A golfer tells me their priority is to become a single-digit handicap. They're serious about it. They think about it constantly. They watch instruction videos and read golf articles.

But here's what their actions show me:

Practice Schedule: They practice maybe once every two weeks, usually for 30 minutes, usually just hitting balls without a plan. Their actions say: "I'll work on my game when it's convenient."

Lesson Commitment: They book lessons sporadically, often cancelling when something else comes up. They don't do the drills between sessions. Their actions say: "Coaching is nice to have, not essential."

Physical Fitness: They never stretch, don't work on mobility, and haven't thought about golf-specific strength training. Their actions say: "Physical conditioning isn't part of my golf improvement plan."

Mental Game: They get frustrated on the course but never work on emotional management or mental skills. Their actions say: "I'll just hope I feel better next round."

Statistics: They don't track where they lose strokes. They have no data on their actual weaknesses. Their actions say: "I'd rather guess at my problems than measure them."

Now, there's nothing wrong with any of these choices. But if your stated priority is to become a single-digit handicap, your actions need to reflect that priority. Otherwise, you're living in the gap and that is what's keeping you stuck.

The Student Who Closed the Gap

Let me tell you about a different student—one who made the shift from words to actions.

He came to me as a 16-handicap with the stated goal of getting to single digits within two years. We'd heard this before, so I asked him to show me his practice schedule for the next three months.

"My practice schedule?"

"Yes. If this goal is actually a priority, you'll have already carved out time for it. Show me what you've committed to."

He admitted he hadn't thought that far ahead. So we created a specific plan together:

• Two practice sessions per week, scheduled in his calendar like business meetings

• One playing lesson per month

• A simple statistics tracking system to measure progress

• 15 minutes of putting practice at home, four evenings per week

• Monthly check-ins to review data and adjust the plan

"That seems like a lot," he said.

"It is. That's what closing the gap looks like. Your words say you want to be a single-digit player. Now your actions need to match."

He committed. For the first month, I watched him carefully. Would he actually show up for those practice sessions? Would he track his stats? Would he do the putting work at home?

He did. Every single week. He rearranged his work schedule to protect his practice time. He said no to social rounds that would interfere with his plan. He tracked every round meticulously.

Eighteen months later, he was a 9-handicap. Not because he found some secret technique, but because he closed the gap between what he said he wanted and what his actions showed he was willing to do.

The Uncomfortable Truth

Here's the truth that makes people defensive: your current golf game is an exact reflection of your actual priorities, not your stated ones.

If you're not improving, it's not because you lack talent or because golf is too hard or because you're too old. It's because your actions aren't aligned with your stated priority of improvement.

And that's okay! You're allowed to have different priorities than you think you should have.

Maybe your real priority is enjoying social rounds with friends, not grinding out improvement. That's completely valid. But if that's true, stop telling yourself (and me) that improvement is your priority. Own what you actually value.

Maybe your real priority is showing up for weekend rounds without the commitment of regular practice. That's fine too. But then don't be surprised when you plateau or get worse. Your actions are getting you exactly what you've prioritized.

The problem isn't having different priorities. The problem is the gap—saying one thing while doing another. That gap creates frustration, guilt, and disappointment. It makes you feel like you're failing at something that's "important" to you, when really you're just not being honest about what's actually important.

How to Close Your Gap

If you genuinely want to improve your golf game here's how to close the gap:

1. Audit Your Actions

For the next month, track exactly what you do related to golf:

• How many hours do you practice vs. play?

• Do you show up for lessons and do the homework?

• Are you working on your weaknesses or just hitting shots you like?

• Do you track any data about your game?

• Are you making time for golf-specific fitness?

Don't judge yourself. Just observe. What do your actions actually show about your priorities?

2. Compare to Your Words

Write down your stated golf priority. "I want to be a 5-handicap" or "I want to break 80 consistently" or "I want to improve my ball striking."

Now look at your action audit. Are your behaviors aligned with achieving that goal? If someone watched your routine without hearing your words, would they guess that goal based on your actions?

3. Make a Choice

You have two options, and both are completely valid:

Option A: Change your actions to match your stated priority. If you say you want to be a 5-handicap, create a specific plan with regular practice, lessons, fitness work, and stat tracking. Then follow it. Make it non-negotiable.

Option B: Change your stated priority to match your actual actions. If you're practicing once a month and playing socially, maybe your real priority is enjoying golf with friends while slowly improving. Own that. Stop feeling guilty about not being more committed.

There's no wrong choice here. The only wrong choice is staying in the gap and continuing to say one thing while doing another.

4. Be Specific About Commitment

"I want to improve" is too vague. Get specific:

• "I will practice for 90 minutes every Tuesday and Thursday evening"

• "I will track fairways hit, greens in regulation, and putts every round"

• "I will take one playing lesson per month and complete all drills"

• "I will spend 30% of practice time on weaknesses, not just hitting shots I like"

When your commitment is specific, the gap between words and actions becomes obvious immediately.

What Changed for Me

When I finally acknowledged my own gaps, not just in golf but in life, everything shifted.

I stopped feeling guilty about the things I said were priorities but wasn't actually prioritizing. I either made real commitments with aligned actions, or I admitted those things weren't actually as important to me as I claimed.

For golf specifically, I realized I was telling myself I wanted to maintain a low handicap, but my actions showed I was more interested in coaching than playing. Once I acknowledged that gap, I stopped feeling guilty about not practicing more. My real priority was helping my students improve, not my own game. Owning that freed me.

Your Next Step

So here's what I want you to do: Spend this week observing the gap in your own golf game.

Don't change anything yet. Just notice. Notice what you say about your golf priorities, then notice what your actual behavior shows. Notice where the gap exists.

Be honest. Be specific. Write it down if that helps.

You can't close a gap you won't acknowledge. But once you see it clearly, once you admit the distance between your words and your actions, you can make a real choice about what to do next.

Your golf will improve the moment you close that gap, one way or the other.

The golfer you actually are lives in your actions, not your words. Own who that golfer is, or change your actions to match who you say you want to be.

Think About This

If someone followed you around for three months without hearing a word you said about golf, what would they conclude your actual golf priorities are based solely on observing your actions? And how far is that from what you tell yourself your priorities are?

Until next time, less swing thoughts, more great shots!

Owen.